Women’s Issues With Hillary
Hillary is a name that inspires venom in many women I know.
It’s hard to fathom exactly why.
She’s too ambitious.
But certainly she’s not more or less ambitious than any male presidential candidate. To run for president it’s necessary to be ambitious and certainly you don’t hope for an unambitious president.
She’s not a good role model.
In what sense? The current president is a recovering alcoholic and cocaine-user with a criminal record, but many religious people still voted for him and perceive him as a great role model. Hillary has a clean record, is as religious as any of the men running. It’s inconsistent.
The most baffling is when you hear ambitious women make these remarks about this other ambitious woman.
I think women’s issues with Hillary is really a deep conflict within ourselves. We haven’t resolved our own ambition with our own motherhood internally. Every woman I know struggles with it.
If we choose to work we feel terribly guilty about not being a good enough mother and feel we need to defend our choice. If we choose to mother we feel like we’re missing validation and acknowledgement and feel we need to defend our choice.
We certainly haven’t come to peace with other women who react to this same inner struggle by making a different choice. Isn’t that what the work vs. stay-at-home mommy wars are all about?
One woman chooses to honor her ambitious self while raising children and another chooses to forgo her ambitious self to raise children. Neither woman can comprehend the other’s perspective because the battle is so personal and so much is at stake for both.
When women look at Hillary we see her choice in color. And it’s too raw a wound for vivid emotions not to be drawn out.
Maybe the women’s movement is too young to expect resolution and inner-peace out of it yet.
I think when we resolve the conflict within ourselves, each individual woman inside herself - the mommy wars and Hillary-hatred will flutter aside.
Tags: , 2008 democratic candidates, election-2008, hillary as a role model, hillary criticism, hillary hatred, hillary's ambition, mommy-wars, work-vs.-stay-at-homeRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Fabulous Culture, Fabulous Mars & Venus, Fabulous Mothering, Fabulous Politics, Fabulous Spiritual Moment
13 opinions for Women’s Issues With Hillary
china blue
Mar 13, 2008 at 6:02 am
I’ve refrained from commenting on any post about Hillary or Barack, simply because the amount of chatter is overwhelming. But this post is very concise, to-the-point, and thought-provoking.
It is possible for a woman to have a career and raise well-adjusted children (do you hear of Chelsea falling out of a club and into rehab, or into a succession of doomed, short-lived relationships?). However, the quickest way to smear her is to say that she’s a bad parent.
It’s also possible to be happy raising children at home, or to choose not to have any at al and focus on your life and career, yet these most personal choices are somehow deemed to be wrong, depending on who you talk to.
When it comes to something like this, why is it not possible to respect one woman’s choice - after all, for each woman that’s what it is - and trust that she’s making the best judgement for her?
Ashley
Mar 13, 2008 at 6:09 am
Okay, so I was thinking about this last night and I have another theory concerning the reasons for all the nastiness among older women towards Hillary. I think maybe she represents ‘feminist woman’ for them.. Now to most of us, that’s a good term – empowering and strong and energizing.
But maybe to them that term represents some woman, or many women, who, in their quest to free themselves from the social standard, were condescending and judgmental to the women who chose to stay in their traditional role.. I’m not saying ALL early feminists were this way, but likely some were extreme. Maybe this has left a bad taste in the mouths of these older women who we see as strong and independent themselves..
Does that make any sense?
Tracee
Mar 13, 2008 at 9:15 am
Thanks China Blue for the compliment. I definately think “live and let live” is the goal. But I don’t know if we’re there yet. Someday though.
Tracee
Mar 13, 2008 at 9:21 am
Ashely I think there is that element. Especially for SAHMS or Work-at-home moms or for mothers who are conflicted about it.
Not only do some portayals of “feminism” condescend to the woman’s role as mother for your self or your neighbor - but for all the women before you who also played the traditional role. Our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers. Some versions of feminism seems to say, “what you did had no value.” Hillary, I think, represents that for some women.
Obviously, that’s upsetting.
But, I don’t think Hillary herself would take that stance.
Ashley
Mar 13, 2008 at 10:52 am
No, I don’t either - I just think maybe for some, she represents that.
I think people who ACTUALLY represent feminism respect women in whatever role they chose to play..isn’t that kind of the point of it?
crystal
Mar 13, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Most people refuse to remember that Hillary raised a beautiful, smart, well spoken daughter. She was ambitious but didn’t let it stand in the way of having a family too.
Violet
Mar 13, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I think you’ve hit a nail on the head. Women do sort of take on a “them vs. me” attitude about a lot of topics and the ambition/motherhood one is pretty intense.
I think part of it is that none of my friends working or staying home seem entirely happy with the choice, and that insecurity makes them feel on the defense, or worse, the offense.
I always say - different things work for different people. I say it to remind myself as much as anyone. About more than just this topic.
Hillary has been an amazing parent, and Chelsea is proof of that. No drug rehab, no acting out. Friends saw her speak recently when she came to Utah, and they said she was articulate and smart and clearly looks up to her mom.
Ashley
Mar 14, 2008 at 5:52 am
She does seem to be very well-rounded..I agree, when you compare her to other children of public figures you have to applaud Hillary and Bill. I know the scandal/publicity/secret service following her around wasn’t exactly a NORMAL life, but they’ve done something very right for her to be what she is..
Tracee
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:01 am
I think it’s more about the woman making the comment than about Hillary.
I usually hear a working mother say, “I wish I could stay home with my kids, but I can’t.”
I hear stay-at-home-moms say, “I used to be a (teacher, psychologist, pharmacuetical sales manager), and it’s a big financial sacrifice, but I want to be there for my kids.”
Women are conflicted. WE’RE not happy with our choices. Most of us would choose something more moderate like part-time work with benefits. And we’re frustrated that 3rd choice isn’t as available as it should be.
Maybe Hillary upsets some because she doesn’t seem conflicted at all about her choice. Of course, her child is grown and I imagine the inner conflict fades as children become less dependent.
Ashley
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:15 am
I think you’re right - also, I think many women think working when money isn’t an issue is selfish.. There doesn’t seem to be much judgement if the woman “has to work”, but when she has enough financial security to stay home and doesn’t - she’s selfish..
Flower Child
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:24 pm
This is really well put. I have other issues with HRC but I still think that people need to stop holding her to a different standard because she’s a woman. Ambition is a good thing!
Violet
Mar 15, 2008 at 3:39 pm
That is such a good point, Ashley. I’ve heard women tut tut about mothers with fancy cars or nice houses who don’t stay home with their kids. We need to stop valuing one over the other. There are lots of reasons to want and enjoy a professional life besides money.
Tracee
Mar 15, 2008 at 7:08 pm
That is a good point Ashely. Hillary doesn’t apologize, justify or make excuses. She wanted a career and a child. period. She pulled it off.
That’s rare and we aren’t sure what to do with it.
Here are some reasons a woman might want a career
she’s good at something or has a skill she enjoys using
she finds her work fulfilling
she wants to avoid financial dependence
she wants an identity outside of her children
she wants to participate in the world
I like Elizabeth Gilberts definition for “selfish” = “good for the self.”
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