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Why Self Esteem Is Key To Running A Business.

by Kim on November 27th, 2006

This New Year’s Day will be the 2nd anniversary of the launch of my stationery business, The Pet Set.

A person with a healthy sense of self-esteem might look at that personal milestone as an exhilarating acheivement.

How do I view this upcoming date? With utter panic and fear.

Why?

Why would a person who left Corporate America to tackle what many Americans hope for — to become small-business owners — feel anything less than euphoric by what has been accomplished, in a little more than 2 years?

Why does every Pet Set sale give me only a momentary blush of pride — followed by almost instantaneous alarm?

Why are the awards and recognition not evidence that I might actually know what I’m doing?

Because I live every moment, of every waking day of my life consumed with feelings of inadequacy and incompetence.

I’ve been to therapy, I’ve seen respected psychologists, I’ve read books, I’ve surfed the web (btw — a maddening exercise to do on your own).

I understand how irrational my state of being is…I understand that it affects those around me, it affects my work and possibly my overall health.

Recently in an e-mail from colleague of mine here at b5.media, wrote this simple phrase: You must be so proud — referring to The Pet Set.

I must have stared at her words for ten minutes, as if my brain simply could not understand her syllables.

Proud? Of what? What have I done? Why can’t I be better? When will I fail? When will the sales stop coming in?

Donald Trump always says, In business, you must never give up…and a lot of other lame, one-dimensional blather as well.

But sometimes, when I’m feeling especially unimpressed with myself and frightened of the future…I think of his words and somehow they make sense. And he’s no psychologist!

I’m sure this angst-ridden existence, points to something to do with my childhood. Which is why the self-esteem improvement techniques I’ve studied over the years don’t help me.

I need to understand why the root cause of my self-created reality.

I wonder if someday, I’ll find the answers to all of this…in the mean time, a sale just came in as I was writing this.

Oh, yay. Nuts, huh?

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