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What If Your Guy Makes A Lot Less Than You?

by Christine(Yuna) on November 24th, 2005

A friend of mine went on a first date with a poor grad student. Granted, the poor guy drove 50+ miles to meet her for the first time. They went to a neighborhood restaurant to grab a bite. When it came to the bill time, my friend, who happens to be a very independent and successful woman offered to chip in. The guy gladly took the offer and split the bill in half with her.

Although she knew she made 5 times more than he did AND she offered to help with the bill, she was still a little grumpy about it.

Her point of the view:
If a guy is not able to pick up a 40 dollar check on the first date, he is either a real cheap ungentle bastard or he is just dirt poor with only 20 cents in his pocket. Whatever her final analysis was, she never called the guy again.

According to the general rules, it is kind of rude not to pay for the very first date. So, I didn’t even bother to advise my friend to give the guy another try. (Well, you might have a different opinion on that…) But it is a reality that a lot of professional women are making more money than the guys. And the situation is getting pretty hairy to handle because of this weird thing called Male’s ego. We all tell ourselves that money has noting to do with love, but the reality is that the imbalanced paycheck situation causes a much greater damage to the relationship than you think.

As a highly paid consultant, I have never dated anyone who makes more than I do. Although I still believe that love is the fundamental ingredient, it was extremely difficult to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship when my paycheck was significantly higher.

So here are a few observations I made from my past experiences:

1. Male’s ego is not something he can just let go and toss out of the window. It’s his self-respect. And as long as the male ego is at presence, he is going to feel the pressure if you make more than he does. Every woman knows not to joke about a guy’s penis size. Well, paycheck size is the same deal here…
2. The fact that you make more doesn’t change anything. You still have to ask nicely if you want him to help with the dishes.
3. He needs to make his own decision when it comes to getting higher education or sizing up his paycheck. You can’t push him.
4. If you always want to go to these fancy places where he can’t afford, he’s not going to be happy.

I have made mistakes and I am trying very hard to learn from my past. So here are a few lessons to share:

1. Treat him with respect as you guys are making equal amount of money. That lowers your expectation and gives him less pressure. After all, the paycheck size shouldn’t influence how you guys should treat each other.
2. Your love is the best magic pill to ease the tension and his insecurity. Oh yeah, guys can feel the love without you saying the three magic words.
3. Again, respect, respect, respect. Talk to him instead of complaining if you feel that your job is too stressful and you need his help with the housework and the family. A man’s nature is not to clean the dishes but to offer you with his help if you know what I mean. So instead of yelling at him, try to ask for his help so you can get some rest.
4. If your life styles are significantly different (i.e. You like fancy stuff and he can care less nor able to afford), things can get pretty hairy. It’s hard for people to change, so be careful of who you date.

Money is lovely and money is evil. So let’s not let money ruining another relationship. :-)

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