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12 opinions for What If I Married Paul McCartney?

• that girl
  May 29, 2008 at 6:08 am

  I tend to think of my life as a string of experiences. When I think back to something I’m extremely ashamed of or something that was just so obviously a mistake - I realize that if I had done that ‘thing’ differently, it might have thrown off my course so far that I wouldn’t have my children and my husband.. so..I don’t know how anyone that has a life they’re happy with can look back and truly want to change a decision..

• Susanna
  May 29, 2008 at 6:47 am

  Yes, absolutely. One day, I actually had a sort of vision of how my life would have been different if I had done just one thing differently: if I had participated in the open mic sessions a small record company had at my school. That small company later grew to become huge and influential, at least regionally.

  I know it sounds silly, but I saw how I could have likely achieved some small measure of fame and fortune and artistic validation. And I also saw how following that path would have pulled apart my husband (then my boyfriend) and I, how I would have ended up feeling incredibly lonely, surrounded by people I couldn’t really relate to who were happy to use me up and throw me out. I saw how by following that path, I could never have gotten to where I am today, and I would have missed out on so many good things in exchange for a small amount of notoriety.

• Tracee Sioux
  May 29, 2008 at 8:20 am

  Maybe you would have met your husband anyway That Girl?

  Maybe you would have met your husband anyway Susanna? Or you would have adjusted as a couple and you still could have had the artistic validation and the fame and fortune?

• Tracee Sioux
  May 29, 2008 at 8:29 am

  I think back to when we were struggling in New York. My husband was very, very unhappy at his job. We were struggling financially and I had post partum depression. We came to Texas for lack of a better solution. Four years of financial hardship and unhappiness and a sense of failure followed.

  When I look back, I think if we had stuck it out and he had just found a more suitable job and if I had been able to create my own 3rd choice there we’d be much happier right now.

• Violet
  May 29, 2008 at 8:42 am

  I mostly don’t regret my choices because I feel like my life turned out exactly as it was meant to. There are things I wouldn’t do again though! If I was doing it again, I would try to be kinder to others and to myself.

• that girl
  May 29, 2008 at 9:07 am

  Tracee, would he be willing to go back?

• Tracee Sioux
  May 29, 2008 at 10:18 am

  I don’t think we really want to go back.

  We can’t go back to that moment. Here we are and though it’s taken 4 years we’re largely recovered and basically happy.

  I think though it is helpful to look back at times when we felt we had “no other choices” (which is how we felt then) and identify some other options.

  That way we learn how to identify all our choices for future dilemmas. It’s one of the great ways we learn, I think.

  It’s not a regret, so much as hindsight being 20/20 vision. We didn’t see our choices clearly then or we didn’t have an imagination big enough to see outside our immediate financial stress.

  Looking back I can identify that we had more choices than we thought we had.

• goodbyetoallfat
  May 29, 2008 at 4:14 pm

  I regret leaving school at 16 and not going on to sixth form and university. I had ambitions to be a journalist but they were thwarted by 3 years of bullying at school, resulting in me ending up with a low and miserable opinion of myself.

  I blogged about it on my own blog a few days ago “David Darling Parts 1, 2 and 3″.

  On the other hand, I do wonder sometimes if I *had* done that perhaps I might not have even liked it anyway?

  Sharon

• Jeanne
  May 29, 2008 at 6:33 pm

  I believe “everything happens for a reason”.

  This simple phrase has gotten me through SO much adversity. Reflection/learning from the past is clearly a healthy thing. Second guessing yourself in an unhealthy way is another matter.

  I hear what That Girl says about “a string of experiences”. I don’t think there’s any way to know for sure what would have happened if one choice were substituted for another. After all, we can’t turn back the clock and hit replay or be 2 places at once. Whether we can clearly see it or not, I do believe that everything is “interconnected”, “everything happens for a reason”, “all is good”… There are many phrases that basically refer back to the same idea.

  Susanna, it sounds like you have a healthy perspective. Fame isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

  I understand where That Girl and Susanna are coming from on the “might not have married my husband” factor. If I had not accepted what ended up being a terrible, STRESSFUL, agonizing job in Detroit, stuck it out a couple of years (which was no picnic!), and moved back to my hometown when I did (and if my husband hadn’t started working where I did at my new job just a couple of months after I did), I honestly don’t know how I would have met him at all. So, in addition to Detroit being a rich learning experience for me (even if it was warning what kind of job I didn’t want)… I believe my stint there was a necessarily link to me finding my husband relatively soon after leaving Detroit.

  Tracee, having lived through postpartum depression myself… I can strongly empathize with how painful it must have been to go through that and your husband’s extreme unhappiness at his job on top of it. That must have been a VERY difficult decision for you to make as a couple. It’s so hard to answer the “what if?” questions. With several years of perspective behind you, you may be able to see now that other choices might have been available. It sounds like you did not have that info available to you back then. So, try to resist the urge to “beat yourself up” about what might be if you had not moved. The fact is you’ll never really know for sure. Yes, I agree healthy reflection is good for people to do! I firmly agree that the “hindsight is 20/20″ philosophy is very true. I’m sorry it has taken 4 years of struggle but I’m glad to hear it sounds like you’ve turned the corner in that you are “largely recovered and basically happy”. :)

  Ditto to Violet’s words.

  Sharon, I am SO very sorry that you endured 3 years of bullying and that it altered your educational plans. Obviously, no one should ever have to endure bullying. I can only HOPE that the terribly unfortunate experiences you had of being bullied may have ultimately made you a more empathetic, caring, understanding person as an adult. People I know (including my own husband who was teased horribly as a child for stuttering… which was made a worse problem by his private school teachers purposely seeking him out at read-out-loud time, making him more nervous, increasing his stuttering)… I tried pulling up “David Darling Parts 1, 2 and 3” on Google but was unable to find your blog. However, 3 years of bullying speaks to itself and the fact that you link that bullying to not continuing your education speaks to itself too. So, without knowing your personal story (other than that you were bullied)… I fall back on the phrase that has gotten me through AN AWFUL LOT of negative, challenging, and sometimes just plain horrible stuff: “everything happens for a reason”. I hope this phrase gives you as much comfort as it has given me over the years! :)

• Ashley S.
  May 30, 2008 at 6:09 am

  Once my dad was talking about mistakes in his life and mentioned a move he wished he had made.. it almost hurt my feelings, because it was as if he was regretting the memories that ensued from not moving and also the present situation which involved me. I do believe that we should look back and learn from our mistakes as in “I won’t do that again,” but truly wishing to change the course of events in one’s life seems almost disrespectful of the present.

• Tracee Sioux
  May 30, 2008 at 7:04 am

  Sharon maybe you still have time to pursue your dream?

  I can see your point about disrespecting the present Ashley and I agree everything does happen for a reason Jeanne. Regrets are a waste of time, especially if you are beating yourself up as Violet said - the past can not be changed or altered.

  We are way more financially secure and stable having gone through our financial nightmare than we would have been had we been staying barely afloat. We certainly had a thorough financial education from it and we’ll be richer in the end I think.

  If we hadn’t moved our kids wouldn’t be close to their grandparents and cousins the way they are now, etc. I can see that.

  Going forward I see more choices than I did before - now that I have practice.

• Jeanne
  May 30, 2008 at 8:51 am

  Ashley, I hear what you are saying and it makes a lot of sense. Tracee, I’m glad what you went through appears to have been a steppingstone to something more positive financially. Obviously having family nearby has plenty of advantages too. I think - in a way - life is ongoing, constant pracrice for everyone (in one way or another).

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