Too Stubborn to Improve?
I wrote a short article a few days ago about whether women should take a full time travel job. I got some excellent responses from the readers and I’d like to quote one of theirs here:
Kayll wrote:
When you travel like that, where exactly do you call your home? When are you not catching up on home life?
There’s only so much someone can sell their soul to their company. If your soul truly yearned for travel, it wouldn’t be a question about the travel. Don’t you think? I think if the right career came that fed your soul, it would also make time for family. Of course that’s in an ideal world.
I have been traveling for nearly 10 years. I got burned and crashed due to high stress; my marriage failed once; I got ill; recouped and got burned again. The damage list goes on and on and on, yet I didn’t do anything to help myself to gain a better situation. Why? Pure laziness? To cheap to ditch my big paycheck? Hoping my current job will get better? Or just being resistant to change?
So many of us wouldn’t make a move until external environment forces us to , such as a lay off or a role change. I always think I am a self starter. I am a strong, independent woman who can always make things happen. For some reasons, I am not able to improve my work conditions. I am not able to stand up for myself and get a life. There are so many dilemmas I am fighting through. Every year, I kept telling myself that if I don’t move on and have a regular normal human being’s life (meaning, sleeping on my own bed 7 nights a week, not 1 or 2), I’d go nuts the next year. Yet, another year comes and goes and I am still spending 4, 5 nights with Marriott or Hilton per week.
As you can tell, I haven’t been blogging for a while. The job has eaten me alive lately and I don’t even get weekends and nights off … “There is only this much I can sell to my job.” So I am going to make 2006 THE YEAR to find a real life, to start a real life and I am going to use this blog as my journal, a tool to help me to achieve this goal.
Thank you very much for listening and supporting.
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10 opinions for Too Stubborn to Improve?
Gloria
Jan 16, 2006 at 11:30 pm
The damage list goes on and on and on, yet I didn’t do anything to help myself to gain a better situation. Why? Pure laziness? To cheap to ditch my big paycheck? Hoping my current job will get better? Or just being resistant to change?
===my job is not as high profile as yours but I have these same sentiments as yours. and i’m still here.
I guess for some reason, the job and all it entails has become our comfort zones that we’re too scared to get out off. At least that’s what I’ve realized in mine.
Christine(Yuna)
Jan 17, 2006 at 8:00 am
Thanks for pointing this out Gloria. I have never taken another job ever since I graduated from college. This consulting work is all I know… I am scared of the 8 to 5 desk job. I am scared of the concept of working with the same people year after year…
My current job provides a familiar enviornment, no matter how bad it is, I know about it. I take a look at the outside world… “wow.. this is unknown to me.. so I am going to stay down..” That’s probably why I have never moved on.. So now I just have to work on my fears and step into the unknown. I know I am totally capable of doing that.. :-)
Kim
Jan 17, 2006 at 8:22 am
Hi Ladies,
This did happen to me…it took me 20 years in corporate marketing to realize that I am not what I do. And I think that is what really burns you out.
One day while commuting to work, I had a real physical and mental breakdown…I simply could not continue with the pressures of the political environment, the expectations of my staff, the backstabbing…any of it. So I quit…that very day.
I then went on to start the-petset.com, a line of high-end stationery for dogs. Yes, for dogs.
Ladies, I will tell you it is frightening to sit here alone, at home each day, no colleagues, no input, no feedback…just the lonely and perpetual thoughts of “What did I do with my career?”
I will tell you that that what I’ve figured out is that I’ve taken everything I’ve learned during my long career and have built a business that I can call my own. It was the best move I have ever made.
I hope you will each find something that you love and re-design your life.
Kim
erin
Jan 17, 2006 at 9:12 am
what about geography? where do you live? is the “chase the paycheck” mentality a common denominator? i lived in chicago and worked in sales and trading. fun, lively, good money, lots of travel.
it nagged at me that i made money by moving money around…but so did everyone else. no matter what we did or whom we did it with, the “status” factor was present and not necessarily in an intrusive nor negative way…just there like Harvey’s invisible rabbit. This “rabbit” was/is a huge motivator to stick with the cash-ola and demanding schedule.
and in chicago there was a full menu of things to spend that cash on.
i could not even have imagined living in downtown chicago and not having a corporate job. on sick days, the neighborhood seemed dead. who could possibly be around? my assumption seemed to be a result of corporate contagion, because my mental answer was “people without real jobs.”
now i’m one of those people. but it took a move to san diego to get there. i must be honest. i got turned onto this blog because i want to better understand the needs of those who travel for business, because now our business is to help business travelers stay active/healthy on the road. and companies want to help their employees too. we’ve had success with corporate wellness and work/life programs. i’d say it’s the consulting companies who are most willing to invest in their employees and seek to improve the travel lifestyle.
point being, that in san diego the rabbit is just not here, or else i can’t see it yet. feel free to email me with questions.
Kayll
Jan 17, 2006 at 12:55 pm
(Thanks for quote!) Wow, I didn’t realize you traveled for so many years.
With regards to “improving ourselves”, I think we get so hung up on this identity we’ve created for ourselves. As painful as it is to keep returning to the life we’ve created, it’s comfortable.
It’s easier to say “I’m so tired, too tired” than to make the change. I’m feeling that way with exercise right now. The last time I got really fit, I took Kung Fu 4 nights a week. There’s no room or money in my schedule, but I’d rather hang on to that fitness ideal. Also, I was 20 when I worked out that much, I lived at home, and I worked part-time! Time seems to fly out of my grasp left and right and the years blink by.
On the other hand, I think we keep ourselves busy so we don’t have to face the truth about our lives: our relationships might be failing or we don’t even really know who we are.
I can’t wait to read about how you are changing to make 2006 your best year.
Resource: http://www.hayhouseradio.com
Their free broadband radio shows are fantastic. Check out Debbie Ford’s show or Cheryl Richardson’s. They are both great coaches. And if you are interested in intuition and the like, check out Sonia Choquette. She’s very down to earth and urges listeners to trust their “vibes” (aka gut feelings) and their spirit. Plus, with all your traveling, you probably have an iPod or mp3 player. They podcast, so I listen at work.
Christine(Yuna)
Jan 17, 2006 at 10:02 pm
Thanks ladies for taking the time to leave comments.
Erin, I lived in Chicago too when I had my high flying job and life. Finally I got tired of the cold weather…and my marriage didn’t work out so I am semi living in Colorado and trying to figure my way out…
You girls’ comments are so inspiring… I think we will always have an option out there as long as we dare to try.
Things happened at work today and I am determined to move on and turn my life around… I am supposed to do work now but after reading you ladies inspiring comments, I am taking my first step to make things better…
Again, thanks for being here and share your valuable thoughts with everyone…
Thanks for the suggestion, Kayll, I will defintely check it out..
Tammy
Jan 22, 2006 at 12:20 pm
I’ve had a number of awful work situations that I forced myself to endure. The last one I knew I needed to leave - they didn’t like me - I didn’t like them - but I kept at it, worked long hours, worried and stressed. Finally, they canned me when they lost a contract - canned about 10 of us actually. I learned that “I am not my job.” It was a terrible experienced, but eventually, it forced me into a different direction in life and I’m so much happier now. I just wish I could have made myself take the step without being pushed into it. I feel like a wasted so many years there.
Life is short - do what makes you happy
Kim
Jan 25, 2006 at 10:25 am
Tammy,
I hear you…I did push myself toward another direction by starting my own business. And while, I do miss the office and the traveling (sad to say), I now know that I was not designed for corporate life and would never go back…
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