Spousal Expectations
In my quest for a better marriage I’m trying to let go of some expectations that have nothing to do with my actual husband.
I think everyone had an idea of who their future spouse would be. It was made up of romance novel men, chick flick men, and exposure to real men we knew like our fathers, grandfathers and uncles. We made up a certain kind of guy in our heads that “we would probably marry.”
The problem with most marriages is that guy isn’t real and may not have a strong correlation to the actual man we married.
One of the things I’m trying to let go of is the expectation of my husband being “fun daddy” in the same way I remember my own dad being. My dad was away a lot as a military man, but when he was home he would take us to the pool and other fun activities. I enjoyed those family times and so I will often ask my husband if he wants to take the kids to the pool or do some other family activity.
I’ve been disappointed and frustrated every time he says no. This is because I have an expectation and a definition of fun that doesn’t have anything to do with his desires or objectives as a dad.
Does not taking the kids to the pool make him a bad dad? Of course not. He is a great dad. He’s just not being the exact same guy I imaged I would marry.
My theory is that I would be happier in my marriage if I just give up my expectations. He’d probably be happier too if I backed off and let him manage his own fatherhood experience and relationship with the kids.
Have anything marriage-defeating your hanging on to?
Tags: blog fabulous, divorce-statistics, empowering women, expecations-in-marriage, how-to-make-a-marriage-work., marriage, so sioux me, spouse, tracee siouxRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Fabulous Culture, Fabulous Mars & Venus, Fabulous Mothering
1 opinion for Spousal Expectations
Stacks
Jul 17, 2007 at 9:23 am
This sounds a little silly, but my father was always willing to do little errands for my mom — like running to the store to get a gallon of milk. And he would do chivalrous things like dropping us off at the door then going to park the car.
My husband isn’t so keen on those kinds of things, and it feels so wrong (and unloving) sometimes! I have to remind myself that he has his own ways of being thoughtful. (Also reminds me that I have an awesome dad.)
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