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Resigned to Perma-Wedgie

by Tracee Sioux on August 18th, 2008

Last year I wrote about how I wear men’s Hanes Briefs because they actually cover my ass in Her Way Sucks, I Prefer His.

I discovered accidentally, about 10 years ago, that men feel entitled to wear comfortable underwear that covers their entire ass. The whole thing.

Once I made this discovery a decade ago I became oddly entitled. Yes, entitled. Entitled to have underwear that doesn’t ride up my ass or give me a wedgie. I feel my best when I have no need to find a wall to sidle up against to femininely and discreetly tug the panties out of my crack.

One of my friends, Rebecca, commented in the post that she wears Hanky Panky Thongs. She said they were comfortable.

A comfortable thong is like unto this urban legend, “women love anal sex.” Yeah, sure they do. Some may be willing to do it a few times - but I doubt it’s her favorite.

A comfortable thong. Isn’t that an oxi-moron?

A thong is resignation to a perma-wedgie. You give up picking the panties out of the crack of your ass and just accept that the panties are going to remain there - for the whole freakin’ day.

HerRoom gave out coupons for a free pair of undies at BlogHer. Because they are smart. An online store gives free product to online writers? Brilliant.

Since the lure of a comfortable thong has been percolating in my brain for a year I sent an email and asked for a pair in nude. (I saw on Oprah’s undies show that this is the secret to hiding underwear under white pants - match your skin color and not the pants.)

And I’ve been wearing them here and there. I wore them all day and twittered my experience - well, cause I’m new to Twitter and experimenting with being funny in only 140 words - I’m a word geek - that’s fun for me.

wrote about wearing men’s briefs. Reader said to try Hanky Panky Thong. HerRoom sent

Testing this theory: Is a thong essentially just perma-wedgie that you just accept?

I just picked the Hanky Panky out of my crack.

It’s 3 pm and my patience with the Hanky Panky thong is wearing thin. Sitting with perma-wedgie is . . . not my favorite thing.

OK I didn’t hate the Hanky Panky at the gym. I kind of thought they were pretty good for gym shorts.

Anyway here was my brilliant panty insight.

A thong really is a perma-wedgie. There really is not such things a comfortable thong. Technically.

But, I learned something about myself that I was never prepared to admit before. . .

Sometimes I’m willing to resign myself to a perma-wedgie. Over the ensuing laundry cycle I found myself sifting through my underwear drawer looking for my new Hanky Panky thong three times.

* to wear under my very thin dress for church

* to wear under my light-colored gym shorts for kickboxing

* to go to a book club meeting with other women

And every single instance was motivated in part by peer pressure - what will the other women say about my pantyline?

OK, not every single instance. My need to wear them to kickboxing was motivated half by the women behind me looking at my ass, and half by the fact that I actually have to crescent kick my leg OVER my male instructor’s bald head. There are 1-2-3-4-5 moments where the guy is basically looking right at my crotch. So, I wear the longest gym shorts I own - to the knees - and they are very light beige and I don’t want my panties to show.

Read Visible Panty Line Cure and “Clean” Bikini Line and Mood Shaper for hysterical musings about feminine hygene.

Oh and as for a photo - while I have photographed myself in a girdle for you (see Mood Shapers) I will spare you the sight of my thonged booty. Mostly because I write an Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me website and I’m afraid posting a picture of myself basically nude would be misconstrued and considered inappropriate. So I will leave you with this HerRoom photo of the low-rise nude Hanky Panky Thong, $18. Of course, this is exactly what I look like in them.

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POSTED IN: Fabulous Beauty Editor, Fabulous Body Image