J&K+8 = Marriage Reality
Maybe those who criticize the marriage of Jon & Kate plus 8 haven’t figured this out:
Happily Ever After was a damn lie. No one rides off into the sunset. The days are not all rosy and loving and no one is spending hours every day lying in bed telling each other how wonderful the other is. It’s just not the reality of marriage.
The reality is this:
Half (50%) of Americans get divorced.
Statistically, it’s probably accurate to assume that ALL married people find marriage challenging and MOST married people are sometimes unhappy in their marriage and EVERY married person sometimes does something imperfect.
In fact, the state of marriage is in such trouble that the federal government is now trying to help people stay married by providing marriage education courses free of charge regardless of income. You know if anti-welfare George W. Bush is providing free social services to try to help people avoid divorce - marriage is having some serious problems.
All the romantic movies and fairy tales and expectations were simply a load of crap.
Marriage is this: very hard work.
If you consider staying miserably married a failure in itself, and I do, then way more than the majority of us are failing at it.
Jon & Kate’s marriage is a resounding success (statistically they’ve beaten the average divorce rate of multiples parents, which is two or three times higher than for parents of single children) and it’s a shame that anyone’s marriage would be so highly criticized. Holding on to our absurd fairy-tale ideals about what marriage should be like isn’t going to help anyone’s marriage.
Pretending that marriage is as easy as happily ever after never helps anyone’s children grow up to be good at the difficult job of being a spouse. It is better that their 8 children are exposed to the reality of the hard work, conflict and conflict-resolution that goes into a marriage, so they will have a clearer understanding of marriage before they do it expecting happily ever after.
What criticism of their marriage does is dismiss all the hard work and trial and error that a successful marriage, like Jon & Kate’s, involves.
You know what I think? I think if you’re critical of other people’s marriage - well, you’re probably critical of your own spouse. And criticism is a sure marriage killer.
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POSTED IN: Fabulous Culture, Fabulous Mars & Venus, Fabulous Mothering
25 opinions for J&K+8 = Marriage Reality
Rebecca
Jan 16, 2008 at 8:55 am
Agreed.
tvbuzz07
Jan 16, 2008 at 10:39 am
I am a mom of multiples and often cut other moms and dads a lot of slack. I also realize individual responsibility means being flexible, maybe not traveling on a long road trip to get to a recreation site that could be duplicated close to home. As long car/van rides deplete energy, set up bad moods, and make it impossible to enjoy the event. So I see Kate & Jon making bad choices that set them up for frayed nerves, why take all to the bedstore r not bring along another adult? Simple remedies many of us moms and dads of multiples do. So I have walked in the shoes of a multiple parent and seen that there are options vs. Kates’ my way or the highway…A little re grouping/better choices would cut down on incidents of yelling at your mate in front of the kids or singling one child out and saying,”You r ruined.” Little ones are sponges and learn to be over dramatic emotionally over the top from parents who engage in such behavior. As a mom of multiples my day plan changes every hour or five minutes.
Tracee
Jan 16, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I think we can all, including Kate, agree that Kate has some control issues with the cleaning and the scheduling. And ” normal childhood” is probably something she’ll never achieve.
That said, I’m sure you could find a million ways to manage MY day better too. Because I don’t have enough organizational skills and maybe I’m not consistent enough in the discipline.
But, how is criticizing their marriage helping?
I think it’s not. In fact, I think it’s detrimental to practical marriage, and the ideal of marriage, in general.
It’s time to stop acting like it’s possible to do everything perfect.
My marriage is quite like Jon and Kate’s. I think it’s healthy.
Room for improvement? Sure, always.
But, we’re only 7 years in - we still have 43 to go. Maybe by then we’ll have perfected it.
FabGrandma
Jan 25, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Marriage is very hard work, for most of us. I don’t have multiples, but I had 3 children in 4 years. I was divorced when the oldest one was 7. Being divorced with children is very hard, too. If I ever have anyone come to me for advice, I always tell them to try to work it out, because no matter how miserable you think you are in a crappy marriage, it is much harder being divorced.
Any relationship worth having is worth working on.
Heather
Feb 7, 2008 at 9:21 am
I’m married, but no kids. I love that show though. They are two very special people. They have to run a tight ship to raise well behaved children - and they are doing it! Their kids are great! I have already decided that if I can’t get pregnant, I can’t do those treatments. I know myself and I couldn’t handle that chaos. Bless them for being the people they are!
Let’s see what others have to say… | Marriage Diva
Feb 8, 2008 at 8:15 am
[…] J&K+8=Marriage Reality- Hey, any blog post that talks about marriage in conjunction with reality tv, is a blog post I want to read! […]
tvbuzz07
Feb 14, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Never commented on their message, just specific episode of their tv show I viewed on cable. I watch the show. I love family life shows, multiples and variations. I was not saying all viewers or Kate have poor skills, just commenting on the show I viewed. And of course, thinking out loud on how to improve for next summer’s trip. That is why it is a great tv show, lots to view, assess and interpret.
tvbuzz07
Feb 14, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Love your opinions, good information to assess, sift out, and/or incorporate. Like the J& K show. As a mom of triplets I love the TLC shows.
Dakota
Feb 22, 2008 at 7:06 pm
AMEN SISTA! LOL shes right life isn’t a fairy tale!! but ill tell you right now that i love them and i can only hope that someday i will have a lasting marriage like theirs!
Lindsey
Feb 23, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Jon and Kate have said that they know they set themselves up sometimes for arguments but they also said that they always ask for forgiveness and work things out before the end of the day. I think they are doing pretty well for having 8 children. I’ve seen parents with 3 kids and you would think they would kill each other with the tone of their voice and throwing things.
Marybeth
Feb 23, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Has anyone ever heard John and Kate Goslin say why neither of none of their parents are ever mentioned or shown on the show? Don’t either one of them have a relationship with their parents? Would like to know……thanks
Dakota
Feb 24, 2008 at 6:04 pm
they said that they do have grandparents, but they are just not a part of their everyday lives… Jons dad died two years ago as well… that is about all they have told us about it…
marissa
Mar 4, 2008 at 7:09 am
i also would like to know about Kate’s parents. They are never mentioned. You would think they at least wouls have been at the birthday party for the little kids or help out once in a while. Please let me know.
Britt
Apr 2, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I absolutly LOVE these two. They fight like normal people and they do not try to “fake” perfect for everyone. I Only have three kids and i could only DREAM of having a house as clean as kate’s house! They should not be critisized for the way they fight, they should be given props for the wonderful way that they move on past the fights and conflicts and don’t let it stop them from functioning. They are wonderful parents and no one can even remotely get me to ever believe that they are not doing the absolute best they can.
Beverly
Apr 7, 2008 at 1:32 pm
What beautiful children and I think really good parents. SO REAL! I especially love Kates organization. The middle child I am from a family of 7 kids, which includes a set of triplets now aproaching their 48th birthday. I have lived the madness of noise and no privacy. So I really get it.
I also thinks it’s a great idea that each child is given their own time with mom and dad, when possible.
Keep up the good work. Yall are great!
Lori
Apr 14, 2008 at 8:55 am
I love this show! I can’t believe how well they make it work. It isn’t perfect and sometimes there are moments that make me cringe, but I think Jon and Kate are doing a pretty great job raising 8 children.
marissa
Apr 15, 2008 at 6:04 am
what about Kate and John’s parents? Do those beautiful babies have grandparents to love them and be a part of their lives?
Gail Faucette
Apr 23, 2008 at 8:16 am
Kate, I enjoy watching your program each week and admire your stamina I have learned to tell which boys are which and ro recognize Hannah; I am still working on Leach and Alexis.
I notice often that you mention church and God and getting ready to go to church on Sunday morning. May I ask what your church affiliation is?
God bless you as you train up these precious little ones. And I hope that you will contine this most enjoyable program. Not too much to choose from that is family rated.
ellie
May 11, 2008 at 8:23 pm
I too am curious as to why this adorable family does not have grammy’s and grampy’s around. I know Jon’s father is deceased, and we can only speculate that there must be some serious reason why Kate’s parents and Jon’s mother aren’t part of those precious kids lives. I am a grammy and I adore spending time with my grands, and I tell you there is nothing that would keep me away from them. Oh by the way kate and Jon, my husband and I had 6 kids in 20 years, and we had to work to get them. My last baby was my 18th pregnancy. It isn’t easy no matter how many or few years you have between kids. It is a hard job to be a good parent and none of us do it perfectly. All we can do is just do the best we can!
Rachel
May 29, 2008 at 2:27 pm
The church they attend is an Assembly of God. KAte mentioned it in one of the episodes.
Melanie
Jun 6, 2008 at 9:34 am
On a recent episode Kate said that she was OVER DISCIPLINED as a child and that Jon was UNDER DISCIPLINED. Maybe Kate doesn’t like either set of Grandparents and that’s why they arn’t involved with her kids. Kate is the boss of the house so she would get her way no matter what. It’s too bad for the kids. Grandparents are Angels. I wonder what happened to Kate as a child???
Ashley S.
Jun 6, 2008 at 9:44 am
I guarentee you she didn’t have any control or get to assert herself.
Tina
Jun 11, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Everyone needs to learn something. “We” do not know The Gosslins aside from seeing them on a television show. But, from what can be seen is that Jon and Kate do what they can - through the struggles, and the laughter. Just because their ways of parenting are not like your own, it does not mean you should say negative things about it. Just because their ways are unlike your own does not make them wrong. Leave all your “Well I do this”’s and “They shouldn’t do that”’s to yourself. While most commenters have had nice things to say, some are not very lovely and, while everyone is entitled to their opinion, sometimes they are better left unsaid.
Jon and Kate are not gods, nor are they immortal beings because they have 8 young chidren. Instead, theyre determained parents - like all parents should be - in seeking what is best for their children. Whether you’re a parent of 1 or 15, that’s what parenting is about. So, whether or not their parenting ways are like your own, so be it. But, you must respect that they are doing what THEY THINK is best for their children, and that is the best that anyone can do.
T
Jul 7, 2008 at 10:35 pm
All these comments as if any of you know these people are a joke. No one truly knows them from a TV show. C’mon people. It’s a given that anyone with eight kids should be commended for having the courage and love to handle so many…but for anyone to make a judgement that their marriage is strong or solid, etc? Who are you to say? They have only just begun and I’d bet that if Kate continues to be as critical as she is of EVERYTHING, this marriage will not last as no marriage would. I would not be as bold as to say I have any idea what she goes through..but I’d think with so many kids and a husband, it would be easier for all to let some things go….Jon may be there now..but the whole world is starting to love these kids…and she should at least let the guy finish a sentence without correcting him. The man cannot even speak without her interrupting with something….I’ve actually stopped watching the show due to her extreme criticism of everything. It makes my skin crawl.
BEVERLY
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:51 am
REGARDLESS OF HOW KATE IS WITH JON. IT’S THEIR RELATIONSHIP, IT’S HOW THEY ARE. YES, WE ONLY SEE WHAT THEY WANT US TO SEE ON TV. BUT IF JON DOSN’T LIKE SOMETHING KATE DOES, HE HANDLES IT IN HIS OWN WAY. JUST AS KATE HANDLES THINGS IN HER ON WAY. I REALLY DON’T THINK THAT ITS ANYONE’S PLACE TO JUDGE EITHER JON OR KATE. MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK (MY HUSBAND AND I JUST MADE 30 YEARS) SO IF YOU TRULY LOVE ONE ANOTHER YOU TOLERATE THE LITTLE THINGS, AND CHERISH THE GOOD. EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION AND MY OPINION IS JUST LIKE ANY TV SHOW OUT THERE. IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE SHOW, DON’T WATCH IT. FOR ME I ENJOY WATCHING.
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